Why #8216;Be Yourself#8217; Is Both the Best and Worst Advice You Can Get

Why 8216Be Yourself8217 Is Both the Best and Worst Advice You Can Get Article by Isa AdneyA few years ago, I applied to Harvards doctoral program in education leadership (Ed.L.D.).I applied at the encouragement of a friend I figured I had nothing to lose.To start the process, I did what I usually do when Im doing something that terrifies me I reached out to people who were already doing the terrifying thing to ask for their advice.I welches amazed at how many current Harvard Ed.L.D. students were willing to help me. I usually just ask for a word of advice via email, but most of them talked to me on the phone and offered to read my essays and share feedback. It turns out they werent Elite-Snob-Way-Smarter-Than-Me-Robots, as I had perhaps subconsciously imagined.They were nice.In one of those preparation phone calls, one current student gave me this final bit of advice I know this may sound trite, but when it comes to your application, really be yoursel f.Be yourself.Id heard it so many times. And honestly? I thought I knew what that meant. But this time, when he said it, something clicked. I knew exactly what he was trying to say Dont be what you think Harvard wants you to be. Be you and see if Harvard wants that.Easier said than done.And especially hard to do for a straight-A student who is good at playing the game, learning the rules, and getting the A. Oh, you like flowery language? Done. You prefer essays that are more succinct? I can do that. Oh, you like when I show my work on the math test? Got it. You prefer I just write the answers? Done.In my first drafts of my application essays, I was indeed trying to be what I thought a Harvard student was supposed to be. Not because I thought that would work (it usually doesnt), but because the real truth is that I didnt think I was good enough. I didnt think I was what a Harvard student should be.But since the guy giving me this advice was in the program, I took his advice and rewro te my essays to reflect who I really was. I sent in my Harvard application with the real me spilling out all over the pages.And then the strangest thing happened.I got an email from Harvard inviting me to the einstellungsgesprch phase.My application had wasone of the top 50. Me and 49 otherbei people would be flown out to Cambridge to interview in person, and then a month later, 25 of those people would be accepted.Being myself actually worked. I was going to Harvard for an interview.TheHarvardI decided to keep this whole being myselfexperiment going and take it a step further for the interview.I knew how interviews worked and how the game was played. Even when youre interviewing for a job and you simply need to pay your bills, you dont say Ill seriously do anything. I just need the money. Give me the job. Wheres the money?? Even if thats the truth.Instead, you say This company is the best company of all the companies, and Id practically do this job for free Hooray Yay you and your company And this is all Ive ever wanted to do with my liiiifffeeeeInterviewing for Harvard isnt quite like interviewing for a job, I had a gut sense of what I might need to do to get past this phase. I knew this program and its goals and what they were looking for backwards and forwards. I knew it was a program meant to train people who would transform K-12 education at a systemic level they were looking for people who would start innovative schools and become high-level administrators who could help make big, positive changes in the public school system.I didnt ever imagine getting asked to interview, because all my experience was in the community college world, not K-12. And also, I didnt have any career goals of being in administration. My heart was in writing, teaching, storytelling inspiring students on an individual level.But somehow, my passion for college access got me to an interview.I decided, though, not to pretend that I wanted the kinds of jobs I knew the program was p reparing people for. I told the truth in the interview. I wasmyselfin a way I probably never have been before. And it felt great in the moment. I had a wonderful time. I made new friends. I felt like I had nailed it.A few weeks later, I got an email saying I did not get in.It was not a good time. The part no one tells you about being yourself is that, while eventually you can say,See, it wasnt the right program for me, initially all you feel isYep, I was right.I am an imposter,and Harvard saw me for who I really am and probably laughed their faces off. HA She thought she was Harvard material? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Now I know the truth Who I really am is not good enough.My heart was broken into sharp, little, Ivy League-crimson pieces. I wished Id never applied. I wished Id never been asked to interview. I wished Id never stepped on the campus or bought that stupid Harvard T-shirt or imagined myself studying in that library.I had many current Harvard students encourage me to apply again (one guy said he had a friend who applied three times before he got in). A few months later, I attended a Harvard Institute on the achievement gap and met the Ed.L.D. program director, who also encouraged me to apply again.Deep down though, I knew it wasnt right for me being a systems-level leader wasnt really my goal. Going to Harvard TheHarvard would have been so awesome for all the reasons youd expect. But the program itself? It was close, but not quite me.I decided not to apply again.But very recently, I did start applying to other graduate programs, and one alumnus from one of those programs an author and lecturer at Stanford University said this to me as parting application adviceIf youre a rhino, be a rhino. Even if you think theyre giraffes, dont be a giraffe, because then you might end up with a bunch of giraffes and youre a rhinoNow, dont get me wrong. The giraffes in the Ed.L.D. were awesome people. I am still Facebook friends with the current students who helpe d me and the amazing ones I met in the group interview. They rock and are doing amazing things to improve K-12 education at a systemic level.But if youre a rhino with rhino dreams, being in a graduate program structured to help giraffes reach their dreams might not help you all that much.Applying for graduate schools and jobs isbrutal. In applications, youre forced to put your worth to words, and, for me at least, it often makes me start to question how much worth I have at all.But somehow, I keep applying for things. I keep trying, charging my big stubborn rhino horn against all these doors, hoping maybe one day Ill crash through.I still wear the Harvard T-shirt I bought the day before the interview. Oddly, I just realized Im wearing it right now. Ill admit, it still makes me sad. But it also reminds me that I tried. It reminds me that, sometimes, Im brave. And maybe thats good enough.A version of this article originally appeared on SUCCESS.com.Isa Adney is an author and T.V. host named by GOOD magazine as one of the Top 100 People Moving the World Forward. She is currently writing a book about dreams. Follow her on Twitter or learn more at IsaAdney.com.